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WHAT IS BDSM? The most important thing about any subject or art you’re going to learn is to learn the foundations. So we’re going to cover the very basics of what it means to “be into BDSM”. BDSM stands for a lengthy acronym but it’s been combined to mean multiple things depending on what you learned or what you part(s) of BDSM you like to participate in. BDSM Breaks down like this: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Now if you notice there are 2 D’s and 2 S’s, this isn’t a mistype or anything. Every aspect of BDSM has a counterpart, Rope Bunnies have riggers, sadists have masochists, a Dominant has a submissive, and so on until infinity because BDSM has limitless roles and activities to learn and get into. When you finish your BDSM “personality” test at BDSMTest.org, you can begin to learn what you may lean more towards, with proper terminology and a foundation to start with. NICE RACK…. Now that you know what BDSM means, which most of you readers already know but I’m here to cater to all levels of experience, it’s time to understand what RACK means. RACK isn’t a term most beginners know and that’s ok. RACK simply means Risk Aware Consensual Kink. It can break down a bit – Risk Aware: Any and all partners involved in the play session or scene, are aware of the risks that are associated with the type of play that will be taking place and have established safe-words, safety check methods, as well as any STI risks that may be present – Consensual: Any and all partners involved in the scene consent to the the things that will be occurring with any participants –Kink: The act of enjoying sexual or non sexual fetishes with yourself or more people. These activities are limitless so I’m not going to list them all at this point. Don’t worry though, we will cover many of these as time goes on. The final acronym can be used in any aspect of sex, not just BDSM. SSC is important through any aspect of sex. It stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual. I assume you’re smart enough to get the concepts of that but just in case I’ll go over them anyway. –Safe: Any and all acts are not going to spread an STI or any damage to any person(s) involved. Any and all participants have taken the steps necessary to make sure that all parties involved are aware of any risks and possible STIs. –Sane: This means that any and all parties should be of sound mind and body. I hate that I have to say this but the person that is drunk out of their mind, DOES NOT check this box. Now this doesn’t mean that you can’t have sex if you’re under the influence of any impairing substances, we all have done it and probably will do it again. The key here is to know that all parties involved are aware of the situation, know what’s going on, and are able to consent or withdraw consent at any point. –Consensual: Do I really need to explain what consent is? No means No, unless you have safe-words and No means something else, but that safe-words still require consent and you can read a person to know if No really means No. I’m sure you noticed there is a repetition of Consent in these phrases, that is simply because consent is THE most important aspects of sex. It is even more important when it comes to BDSM and kink. What you may want done to you someone else may not, the ability to consent and withdraw consent are more important than any orgasm or subspace that could ever exist. OKLAHOMA! A QUICK GUIDE TO SAFEWORDS A good way to work out consent and safety is safe-words and safety check measures. Safe-words aren’t just for kink, they can work in your standard vanilla bedroom. It is important to know that you and your partner(s) are on the same page sexually about what is happening. The most common system is the stop light system. –Green: I like that, you can take it a step further, everything is ok. Green means that things are going exactly like they should –Yellow: Slow down, I’m reaching my limit, I may need a break soon. Yellow can mean tons of things, but, you’ve negotiated what it means right? Yellow can be a halftime word if you need some water or need a break just to bring yourself back to green –Red: STOP RIGHT NOW! The scene is over and things need to be addressed. This doesn’t mean that things are over all night necessarily, but until you and your sub or play partner discuss what went wrong and what happened, nothing else should be happening. The alternative to that is the safe word, we all know Pineapple or Oklahoma, but this word can be whatever you’ve negotiated beforehand. I personally prefer the stop light system as there is more to work with within the session if there are levels of safe-words. There may be times where your partner(s) may not have the ability to speak, this could be due to a ball gag, a position, or any other means that could stop a person from speaking and explaining what’s going wrong. That’s where a safety check item comes in handy. I like to just have an item held in the hand that can be dropped if there is a problem especially when there is a problem (Red) or can be waved around (Yellow). The item allows things to be extra safe when there is any obstruction to the airway and any other reason to not have the ability to speak. I think it can really keep things on the safest side of caution, who knew that sex and kink wasn’t all sexy and kinky? NO BUTT STUFF AND OTHER LIMITS I’ve mentioned negotiation and establishing safe-words, something else to keep in mind for a negotiation or boundaries. Every person has them. Limits are a good way to establish this term, Soft and Hard limits. Soft limits are the things you don’t think you would want to happen but could be open to a negotiation or conversation (Think anal or swallowing as soft limits people talk about). Hard limits are the completely off limits things, there is no negotiation and you probably will never change your mind about these (Think water sports(piss play) or scat (feces) as some pretty common hard limits. Setting up the safe-words and safety system as well as knowing the limits of one’s partner(s) is an essential foundation to knowing what to expect and how things can go. While these are effective to getting things to an understanding, they don’t always cover things 100% of the things that can come up or evolve during a session. It’s key to be on the same page at all times with your partner(s). AFTERCARE So we’re going to skip the actual play session in this article for the most part. I’m skipping to another important aspect of any BDSM session, Aftercare. Aftercare is never a one size fits all. It is what your submissive or play partner may need to come down from the intensity of the scene. Some like to be cuddled and eat snacks to come down, some go as far as needing to continue in a solo way and act as furniture for their Dominant. There are many ways that aftercare can be shown. You and your partner(s) may not even know what they want until the time comes and it can be ever evolving. The one thing that will become apparent to anyone who takes a Dominant role is a lot of work and a lot of responsibility. If you’re not able to handle the extra work that comes with the role, you shouldn’t be doing it. You have someone who has given you all of them in the most vulnerable way possible. You’ve used physical force on them, you’ve manipulated the mind, or a combination of the two. You have to make sure that they have trusted you for the right reason, you bring them down, you take care of them and make sure that they are better than you began the scene. SOME LESSER CONSIDERED ESSENTIALS Sometimes we get ahead of ourselves and go all out and buy rope and cuffs and a bunch of other stuff, we often forget the things that are essential and not often talked about. These items include but are not limited to: –Trauma Shears: No matter what happens and how much you know, knots can be tied wrong, restraints can be too tight and any other items that restrict blood or air flow can become problematic. The Trauma shears (https://amzn.to/36Cef7k) are able to get things cut through very quickly. They work on any light material as well as leather, vinyl, nylon, and some thin metals. They are a must have in any BDSM scene. –Towels: It’s nice to keep them nearby to make sure that any fluids are taken care of and I’ve got a link to some that are really solid to use. (https://amzn.to/3anTiOA) You should have separate towels honestly, so you’re not using a house towel or a dirty sock to get things cleaned up after. –Water: It doesn’t really matter what brand, I like Dasani water but just keep a few bottles nearby, having fun is thirsty work. –Coconut Oil: Great to use for hand stuff, and it makes a great massage oil as well. –Safety Item: Anything your partner(s) can hold to show if there is an issue, make it a rattle type device and you can use it to shake for yellow. Those are just some of the items that most people don’t consider before playing, If you have any good items to add comment or send me a message and I’ll edit this to add them in with your username as a contributor to the list. I’ve said it a lot already but it’s important to communicate before, during, and after a play session. During a play session, non-verbal communication can be a game changer. It has the ability to let you know what is feeling good and what may be uncomfortable but not yellow or red worthy. This is why trust is a huge part of playing and being sexual with anyone. JUST THE TIP….START SMALL OR NOT AT ALL Let’s imagine that you have done your BDSM Test (Test Here), if you’re in a relationship check out Mojo Upgrade (Found Here), now you’re ready to get started but you and your partner(s) don’t know how to get started. The key is to start small, use what you’ve got available to test the water and see what you like. Sometimes you have things around the house (Pervertibles) that you can try first, and then upgrade as you find what you like. Some common pervertibles include but are not close to limited to: –Wooden or rubber spatulas –Ice –Clothespins –Candles (Learn about wax play and test it before playing, Different candles have different melting points) –Butter knife (I’ll cover this in a sensory deprivation article) –Belts, scarves, ties, etc The list can go on forever but we’re going to back it up one step more and explain how to find your way with no toys and items available. Everyone can learn to perfect these before even bringing the first toy into the bedroom. The easiest ways to get started is to go back to the playground methods: – Hair Pulling: It’s best to treat your hand and fingers like a comb but reverse, Start at the base of the neck and start getting some hair between your fingers, keeping your grip close to the scalp has the most effect without pain. The ideal place to stay is either the back of the head or near the top (the crown of the head where the back meets the top). As you advance and get better at feeling it and your partner(s) know what they like and want to try (communication right?) you can learn how to pull thew sides and other parts to get the effect you’re going for. –Spanking: The key to a solid spank is the warm up, make sure you massage the area you’re spanking to get the blood flowing to the spot and stimulate the nerves for the most impactful feeling. It is very important to know that there are no no places to spank or hit, especially for beginners, the back, neck, and stomach are off limits until you learn what you’re doing. No one wants to feel a kidney shot when they’re trying to feel the fun of spanking. Keep it to the ass, thighs, and possibly the breasts if you do it light enough and it’s more for impact than pain. Also I know that some of you may have kids, roommates or still live with family, the back of the hand works wonders for muffling the sound in my experience. After you make contact, keep your hand there and massage the area again, it soothes the pain and allows things to progress as the body adapts to the sensation. If you want the sting over the thud, hit quick and pull away, the lack of massage allows the nerves to fully react to the sensation. – Dirty Talk: Not everyone wants to feel pain and it’s not required to enjoy BDSM, sometimes it’s enough to hear something raunchy said to or about you. Of course communicate what you’d like to try beforehand, but sometimes a well placed “dirty little slut” can be as powerful as a Rabbit Vibrator. Hearing “Yes Daddy” or “Yes Sir” can bring a Dom back into the scene if they may have been slipping away. When I cover sensory deprivation in more detail, I’ll explain how effective the words you say can create a scene that isn’t even happening, it can make your partner(s) feel like they are in a crowded room or on display for people and it’s only you two in the room in reality. Dirty Talk is communication in the moment. It lets both of you know that something feels good, or you can be explicit about what you want. Jut use caution because it has the ability to cause a trigger in some people and if you’re not on the same page about what’s allowed and what’s expected then it could be a bad thing but that is one of the reasons we communicate what’s happening. –Biting: I’m personally not a fan, but biting can be sexy to some. I can’t go into great detail here because I’m not into it so I don’t know much about it. With that said, make sure that if you’re biting and such, don’t leave marks where family and co-workers might be able to see it. I think bruising can be sexy, but hickeys on the neck are just a tad too trashy for my tastes and most others as well. These marks are supposed to be private trophies. Don’t bite too hard either, the jaw and teeth have the ability to tear through skin easily so please use caution. DON’T BE INSECURE Those are just a few fun ways to test things out before you get deeper into the fun of things, Now let’s say you have some toys around that you use and maybe you would like to bring them in to play. I know that some of you have an issue with toys in the bedroom, let me address that real quick. There is no shame in increasing the pleasure your partner feels. Bringing out the dildo to insert in your partner while you’re getting oral doesn’t mean you’re not enough. Putting a bullet between your body and your partner’s clit while they’re on top doesn’t mean you aren’t feeling good to them. I mean Ice cream is delicious but isn’t it better when you add chocolate syrup to it? Same thing, it doesn’t mean you’re not good enough, it means that you want to maximize pleasure for your partner(s) and that’s the right thing to think. Here are a few basic items to get started with if you have them already around the house. Some of the best sex toys to begIN with are: –Mini Bullet Vibes –Magic Wand (The plug in ones are better than the battery operated ones in my opinion –Dildo –Floggers – If you don’t have one get one custom made from Juniper Jenn. She is the best place to find what you want and it’s affordable. Add the code SLAYER15 at checkout for 15% off. –Restraints – They have a kit at Spencer’s or any local adult toy store (Shop Local First). If not you can find Cuffies online, which are silicone cuffs that do a great job at the restraining but are safer than rope, especially if you’re a beginner. IT TAKES A VILLAGE I know this has been a lot of info, but, I know how important it is to learn the basics before you go and get someone hurt. I think you’re awesome for taking this step and expanding your sexual landscape. Don’t forget that there is amazing and supportive communities all around you on this topic as well as many others. Check out Fetlife, Reddit has tons of communities to help, Facebook (not easy to find), also check to see if you have any local dungeons or groups that meet up on Meetup. Feel free to reach out to Me or Juniper Jenn if you have any questions or need some advice. I can be reached on my linktree (linktr.ee/mr.kinkslayer). I work closely with Miss Juniper Jenn and we have really helped each other learn more and more about this world. Neither one of us are judgmental or ever going to breach confidentiality with anyone who reaches out to us. I look forward to hearing from all of you and thank you for the support. One last note, the amazon links above are affiliate links and I get some of the proceeds if you buy from those links so be sure to help me out so I can keep bringing you great content. Until next time, Peace Out Cub Scout Love, Jett #BDSMBasics #RACK #BDSM #BDSM101 #SSC #Sexuality #LearnHow

Today we’re going to have an intro to subspace. The most beautiful and possibly the most dangerous mental state of BDSM. Some of you have experience with this feeling and state of mind, some of you may have but don’t know it. The state of subspace is essentially an overload of the hormones your body is releasing at once. The body when it reaches subspace is dealing with a blend of fight or flight and dopamine. This combination can be scary for a Dominant if they are new to it, or to a submissive when they come down. Subspace is a natural high that you can’t find in too many situations. Let’s cover exactly what it is, what your body is doing, and how to manage it properly as a Dominant. I’ve said many times that a Dominant should understand that being in this role bears a lot of responsibility. A Dominant must be willing to push themselves and their sub, provide SSC BDSM scenes, and be a proper caregiver. All of those things, and much more, must be done while keeping the submissive, or whatever role your partner is in, in the right space mentally and being aware of the subspace happening and what they must do to keep it SSC. There are levels of subspace and each one can be during a scene or leading up to it. Top Space is the rare moment where the submissive is in the Dominant role. This is rarely sexual. It’s more in the day to day moments where the submissive has to have control of their life. Getting business meetings together, getting lunch made for the kids and getting them on the bus to school, things like that. This is where the submissive has control of their life and will out dominate anyone who tries to interfere. A lioness with her cubs or on a hunt essentially. There is a moment in the day that the power dynamic will change to revert away from the Top Space. I don’t have a name for it, but, let’s call it pre subspace. As a submissive, has your Dominant ever made you stop speaking by a touch (sexual or not)? Or by speaking in the Dominant voice (the Dad voice as Princess calls it)? Your brain associates those things as a precursor to going to subspace. Think of a dog seeing its owner grabbing the car keys or the leash. This moment makes the brain push out a sudden burst of dopamine and other endorphins. Dopamine is the chemical that creates a euphoric feeling and opens up the nerves to send out and receive stimulation. This is part of the equation of subspace. Dopamine is the messenger chemical for your pleasure and pain. Flash forward to the scene, things are going perfectly, your getting orgasms on repeat, your getting spanked, restrained, and put in your place you dirty little slut. Your body is feeling some fantastic things. What you don’t realize is that because you’re feeling impacts or being restrained, your body is trying to use the fight or flight reflex to accommodate what is happening or may about to happen to you. Here comes the adrenaline, coursing through your body and creating an anxious feeling. The anxiety may be subconscious or you may feel it happening. If you’re still feeling it happen to you, you’re not in subspace yet. You’re getting closer though. Dom(me)s: at this point things will still feel normal, your sub will be responsive and able to use safe words with you. They can still be bratty, they can still stay in the scene. Then suddenly your brain has an orgasm. It gets confused by the rush of fight or flight, dopamine, and the stimulation happening to the body. They all meet at once and instead of reacting and fixing what you’re experiencing, it just stops responding. You’re still going to be feeling good feelings and all of the things happening for a few moments as subspace takes over. As the subspace takes over, you’re not going to feel the impacts and sensations. Your brain has entered a catatonic state. The body is ignoring the pain and pleasure and you’re just in a mental void. There are no words, no responses to the things happening, you’re just existing. You have overloaded your brain with chemicals and it doesn’t know what to do. It’s like a self induced state of shock without the trauma. Dom(me)s: This is the point you have to be paying extra attention to every single thing you’re doing. Your sub is no longer able to say safe words, jerk away when something hurts, respond to let you know that something could be wrong. It is your responsibility to know what you can and can’t do, how hard or soft you need to strike certain places, and understand that you’re in complete control of your subs fate. The boundaries and limits you’ve established are still there and subspace does not give you permission to violate those. Playing while your submissive has entered subspace becomes way more intense for the sub and the Dom(me). As a Dominant, you’ve become the only connection to reality they have. Only you can end the scene essentially and it’s important that you’re paying attention to when you should call it off. How far your sub wants to go after subspace and dissociation takes over should be discussed before ever playing As a submissive, this is where you don’t have a choice but to have complete trust in your Dom(me). Subspace can be scary the first few times you go through it. Let me rephrase that, it can be scary until you come down. It’s like a roller coaster, you’re scared and have zero control, and then as soon as the coaster stops, or slows down to end, you feel that rush of how much fun that was and you’re ready to do it again. When the Dominant ends the scene, that’s when things get a little crazier. The drop is the hardest part for most people. It’s when reality comes back all at once for all parties involved. The submissive can feel a rush of emotions, start crying, feel like they have time traveled, feel so many things at once they can’t process what’s happening. The Dom(me) must get themselves prepared for Aftercare and be prepared to handle the things that are coming. Dom(me)s have an important role here, you are still the anchor to reality for your submissive. It’s your place now to provide aftercare and bring them back to a state of mind that let’s them come back to a normal state and enjoy what has happened. I will be pushing an Aftercare article after this one so we can talk about it in detail to cover the ins and outs of Aftercare. This is where trusting your Dom(me) has paid off, you’re getting the exact aftercare you need, and you are safe and sound. Nothing is better than coming down from that space and feeling like you’re going to be ok. Even experienced subs can still be deeply affected by the subdrop. The enjoyment of coming down is enjoyed by subs far more than the actual events of a scene. Dom(me)s get to enjoy themselves and take the boost mentally, knowing that you are the reason that happened. You are the reason they feel more euphoric they can make themselves feel. Orgasms are nice, but subspace can’t be compared to that. Subspace is the greatest and most impactful feeling you can have when it comes to sex and scenes. You can achieve subspace in vanilla sex but it’s very difficult. The combination of pain, pleasure, fear, and excitement have to come together and create the perfect formula to overload the brain. There are tons of ways to get that formula and no combination is guaranteed to bring subspace every time. The body adapts to what’s happening and that is where pushing your sub’s limits comes into play. So Dom(me)s when you’re getting into the subspace playground, make sure that you’re not doing damage to the body, when you’re helping your sub come down from subspace, make sure you’re not doing damage to the mind. One last thing NEVER leave your sub alone in a scene and especially when they hit subspace, bad things can happen. There are ways to simulate leaving your sub alone and we will cover that in depth with sensory deprivation. Until Next Time Peace Out sub Scouts Love, Jett. #Education

Compersion isn’t technically a real word, according to the dictionary, then again non-monogamy isn’t a real relationship according to most legislation. You’re not here for the limits and restrictions you can experience as a non-monogamous person, you’re here for compersion. What is Compersion? The writing that happens on this page is done with the assumption that you have zero knowledge of non-monogamy or kink, so let’s go over another day 1 word. Compersion is the joy for another person’s joy. Some act like it’s just a word for non-monogamous people to use but it’s not. How does Compersion apply to all of life’s relationships? If you read my first non-monogamy article, you already have some really good examples of this. Being happy that your partner met someone they connect with, your child wins an award and they are super excited about it, your best friend at work gets the promotion you feel they have deserved for a while, these are just some basic examples but you get the point. If I feel jealousy can I still feel compersion? Absolutely. You can feel both positive and negative emotions at the same time. You can be happy that your partner is on a date, but jealous that they’re seeing the movie you wanted to see with someone else. Jealousy happens and there’s ways to help it (And Then What?). Some would have you believe that non-monogamy is the sweet life. It’s not. It’s a lot of work, moments that will leave you uncomfortable at times, anxiety from situations you never thought about and couldn’t prepare for, and communication 10,000 fold what you’re used to before non-monogamy. The best way to really get your foot in the door is to do some reading and research, that’s why you’re here now (or I put my links in your face so much that you just come to appease me). I am, in a sense, community for you. I’m not the only community you can have though. Join the polyamory subreddit, or a group on facebook. There are even meet ups for poly munches(groups meeting that have a connection in some subject). Go to them (respect social distance and such even if you don’t believe in it). You would be surprised that some of your friends are even swingers or non-monogamous. You don’t have to ask them or anything if you’re not out or anything yet. Communities can be intimidating at first, a lot that I’ve found seem to be pretty judgy unfortunately, that’s why I started all of this. Non-judgmental conversation about things that you may not know about or may have some questions about. I’ve told you many times that I’m not the final discussion in most of my articles. It will always be up to you to do research, speak to others in the lifestyles you are a part of, and help yourself grow. I found out by outing myself that a former coworker is a part of a swinger community and received an invite, we can’t wait to check it out. You can’t do this alone though, you will need friends and I want you to know that Jett is always here. If I don’t know the answer, I will work hard to find you an answer or a person that knows the answer. If I point you in the direction of someone, you should know that they won’t be judgy or a pretentious asshole. I have issues with communities myself, I am in a few but I see how quick;y they turn on people for seeking exactly what they want and being called unethical because they stated up front what they expect to find. It’s not our place to judge that. If you’re not into Unicorn Hunters, don’t stick your nose in it because someone that reads that post may be. If you’re not into swinging, mind your business if you don’t want to be a swinger. Some of these communities preach openness and acceptance until it’s something that goes against their beliefs. This is an issue that is across the board with non-monogamy and kink. Finding a great partner or a great community is hard and will be super difficult, but it will be so worth it when you do I promise. Darling (from the first article) and I used to have a duo tinder. I don’t know if that’s a feature still or not but I thought it was pretty awesome. It allowed two (maybe more?) people to create a joint profile essentially, you could match with other couples and singles if they swiped right. I don’t use tinder anymore, it became such a tedious task being polyamorous. I get a match, we say hi, I say I’m poly, they ghost. Rinse and repeat. I found that OKCupid was the best platform for poly and non-monogamy. There are apps and sites out there for non-monogamy but they aren’t very mainstream so the traffic is kind of low. I hope that when you seek out community, you find great things. I have been met with criticism about my posts and how they are “inaccurate” yet no one can explain to me how. I’ve seen fantastic people get bum rushed because they say they are in a relationship and looking for a third, once again who fucking cares. If unicorn hunting isn’t your thing, don’t worry about it. There is a unicorn out there that’s looking for a couple. I hate to see anything labeled as open and accepting, just to watch as they shun people that are doing it differently. Keep your head up and your search thorough. It’s going to be a challenge. If you have any good communities to go to, share them in the comments below. Let’s grow our own communities and help each other grow. Until Next Time Peace Out Cub Scouts Love, Jett #Education

Never lie to someone who trusts you and never trust someone that lies to you. – Deanna Wadsworth Trust is usually only talked about when it’s broken. We shouldn’t wait to lose it before we deal with it in relationships. From the moment you figure out that someone has the potential to be a long term partner, you should be building the trust and communication that it takes to have a successful relationship together. It’s not about cell phones and social media. It’s about the connection that you have with your partner(s). I have complete access to my partners accounts, not because I demanded it or needed it, she runs a business and I help her manage it. I couldn’t care less about what the content of her messages are. I see constant updates of Fetlife messages or notifications from social media. I don’t know what the first one says and never will unless it’s business related. We have this connection and trust because we established it from the days before our relationship began, I have always been honest with her and she has with me. We don’t feel the need to hide or be sneaky. If I’m talking to someone new, she knows. If she has a fling with her girlfriend, I know about it. We don’t feel the need to hide anything. It’s complete trust and communication with each other. That’s the only way to do it and be successful with it. Being upfront in the early stages of the relationship is super important. When I first met Princess, we were co-workers and had no intent of being in a relationship with each other. This allowed us to really open up and speak freely as friends, which I think is something most relationships lack, especially the ones that get built on dating sites. I know that everyone doesn’t know how to open up and talk about things that can put you in a vulnerable position and allow your partner to really dive deep into your mind. I’m here to help. Later in this article, I will address the broken trust and recovery, but for now, I want to help establish how to build it so it doesn’t get broken. A few years ago, I found the “36 questions to fall in love” concept pretty cool but I have found that the reason it’s effective is because it opens you up to build a bond and establish a trust with your partner(s) new or otherwise. So I have gathered the questions for you here and we can discuss the process and how to best handle them as we go. I feel addressing every question and the reason they help you bond will make it more likely to help you than just doing a Q&A with your partner(s). The questions are in 3 sets followed by a 4 minute staring contest. I mean, 4 minutes of gazing into your partner’s eyes… Let’s get to it, your time is precious. Set I Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? This question really has nothing to do with the dinner, but what they find important in the person they want to invite. People they have respect for and what values they hold. Some that hold religion dear to them may say Jesus Christ, Muhammad, or another religious figure. People with great family values may say their grandfather who passed away when they were a kid, etc. Would you like to be famous? In what way? The fame question allows you to learn something they think they have a talent in, I want to be famous for writing, it’s my passion and I feel like a talent of mine. My partner wants to be famous for her crafts, that’s what she does in her business and she will eventually get there. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? This question is about if they prepare for the most minor of tasks, unless it’s an important task, then they may only prepare in important situations What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? This shows you what your partner(s) would enjoy and make them feel happy in all aspects. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? This question allows you to see if they ever let their guard down even when no one is around. It also opens up to see if they are a bit charismatic or like to connect with other people in a way that would be dreadful for others to do. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? This essentially shows if they value their mind or body more and what they feel will be the most beneficial to them in the long run. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? This question opens up to understand a fear they have. No one wants to die and thinking about it puts you in a vulnerable position. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. This establishes the three things your partner(s) feel most bonded to you by For what in your life do you feel most grateful? This opens up your partner(s) to show you what makes them happy or has brought them to the point they are in life. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? Another vulnerable question, it creates a moment to connect in their past and see what they will attempt to change for their children or themselves. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. This is a highlight reel and only the most important events will make the cut, so keep notice of these things because they will be the most impactful moments in their life. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one non superhuman quality or ability, what would it be? This shows where they feel they may be falling short in life . Set II If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know? The psychology in this question offers a chance to see what they have the most questions about and aren’t sure if they will ever have the answer. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? This shows you the goals they may be placing on hold because of things in life or they don’t have the support to do so. Something I’ve personally dreamed of doing is writing a book, the reason I haven’t I don’t make time for it because I am worried I will fail or it won’t be as captivating as I aspire it to be What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? This is the thing that brings them the most pride and helps establish who they are on a mental level. What do you value most in a friendship? This teaches you about their friends and the values they have in all of them What is your most treasured memory? This is the go to place when they have a bad day, keep note of it and find a way to activate the memory when they may be down or stressed to take them out of the bad moment for just a minute and possibly allow them to get back on track. What is your most terrible memory? If it’s something they have done, this is a regret they have and can’t forget. If it’s something someone else did, It’s a moment that defined and changed them on a core level. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? This shows what they may be waiting for a push to accomplish or shows you what they are ready to stop doing if it means they won’t have to deal with the consequences. What does friendship mean to you? This is like the other question and establishes what makes their friends important to them, but allows a deeper answer What roles do love and affection play in your life? Love language type of question, it helps determine what they need to feel more completed. Some don’t have a large role for it because they are career oriented or they may need a lot of it because they love the feelings it beings Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. What they value most in you How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? Helps to establish their family values they feel and what they will adapt to when they get older and have children How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? This can show you how the family matriarch molded and gave them values and feelings about women in their lives. Set III Make three true “we” statements for each person. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…” It helps to create the connection and bond between the two of you. You don’t have to agree with the statement but it shows what they are feeling Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” It shows what they desire to do in a relationship or a core value in the relationship If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. This is a key question, the topic usually brings out something they feel is a foundation to the relationship Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. Self Explanatory but it offers a chance to know what they really like. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. This one can be difficult to read, if it’s funny then it’s just a bonding story that they love. If it’s embarrassing in a negative way, they are opening to give you top secret info. Keep it stored but never use it against them. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? What made you cry? This can lead to learning about a moment they felt low and that’s the most open a person can get. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. This allows you to establish something that you value in them What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? Establishes how serious they feel about certain topics. The answer to this question is usually a dark humor topic (abortion, dead babies, rape, etc) If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? Shows someone that may still have an important connection with or business they need to deal with but have been avoiding. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? Shows what single material item means the most to them. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? This shows who they care about the most and provides the most value in their family Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. Creates a chance to see how you both deal with and react to a situation. Stare into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes without saying anything or touching These questions are fun to do. They really bring you closer together. I feel the most effective way to use them is to ask them to your partner(s) first and then they ask you after completion. This prevents the issue of waiting to answer and allows you to give full attention to them rather than waiting for your turn to speak and missing out on what they may say. Most of us tend to do that. This isn’t the absolute answer to build trust but it’s a damn good building block. Trust is important and learning about your partner in these vulnerable questions really strengthens that bond in a major way. It’s important to build trust, because once it’s broken, it’s possible it will never be mended to be whole again. Most infidelities are the death of a really good relationship, even if you make it through the infidelity it will linger forever between you two. That’s a fact and it doesn’t matter how much therapy you seek together. Broken trust is almost never repaired. It’s important to be honest and open about the things you desire and expect. When Princess and I were on a friend level, she learned I was polyamorous and what that meant, she learned about someone I loved and still care about. She got to see the real me and not the highlight that most people give until the relationship is established and the revelations that come about are enough to tear the foundation out. Trust isn’t about not looking in your partner’s social media or text messages. It’s about not needing to because you know that they are honest and love you enough to open up to you. They believe in the relationship, and you, enough to know that the storms that can be prevented will be and the moments of doubt won’t exist. I couldn’t possibly begin to explain all the ways to build or break trust in one article. I just wanted to give you somewhere to start and build it up. Trust is a topic that will be written about many, many times and will never come close to completion. Trust, Jealousy, and Compersion articles will always be something to read and build on, they will never be the complete answer. Love you and Peace Out Cub Scouts Love, Jett

I have created these posts for those that are trying to understand the very basic ideals for alternative lifestyles, that doesn’t make me an expert and it doesn’t make me the most knowledgeable about the topics. That does mean that I have a passion for these topics. They play a large part in my life and make me who I am so I have studied the topics and have lived them, good and bad. I was told by two people that my post missed the mark on non-monogamy for them, So let’s do it again because maybe I did miss something, so this time I will be thorough. WHAT IS NON-MONOGAMY? The foundation to any understanding of a subject is to learn what it means in a literal and educational sense before any personal takes are made wiki defines Non-monogamy as this: Non-monogamy (or nonmonogamy) is an umbrella term for every practice or philosophy of non-dyadic (pronounced Dye-Attic) intimate relationship that does not strictly follow to the standards of monogamy, particularly that of having only one person with whom to exchange sex, love, and/or affection. My favorite part of that is the “and/or” near the end. It offers the choice of one relationship type or all of them. Which will probably leaving you scratching your head, you have friends you are affectionate with, you have friends that you have or have had sex with, and you have friends you love (the type of love is yours to determine). Does that make you non-monogamous? Not exactly. There are many types of love but I have always felt that the type that can be classified as a non-monogamous relationship is one that falls under romantic or sexual, that’s just about it. I put it that black and white because if you go beyond those two categories, you get into the aspects of friends and family. If that counts, every person in the world is non-monogamous then, right? There are a ton of tests out there that can help you figure out if you are or might be non-monogamous. I mentioned BDSMtest.org in my last article (some of those questions help classify that as well as a BDSM profile if you have one), https://effyblue.com/test/ is another one, but the problem with a lot of these sites is that it really holds your hand to show you the non-monogamous choice. Do some research if you feel you could possibly be attracted to more than one person, I will have plenty of mentions of resources to check out through this article. The part I said about being romantic or sexual sounded like an absolute, but that doesn’t always apply (see this stuff is complicated which is why I’m trying to guide you as best I can with a foundation). There are places where asexual and aromantic overlap. These are some of those terms, feel free to google them or if you’d like an article about these I’m happy to create one. The grey area (no pun intended) of non-monogamy are often classified as such: (This isn’t all of them but it’s a start) Greysexual or romantic, Demisexual or romantic, Reciprosexual or romantic, Akiosexual or romantic, and finally Aceflux or Aroflux. Oh don’t forget the other term that’s possible, Queerplatonic, which is an LGBT+ term for a friendship but closer than the typical friendship. I told you this stuff is complicated but it’s also a way to learn more about exactly who you are. Now that we’ve covered the folks that may not hit the marks of sex or romance, let’s really dive into the types of non-monogamous relationships and what they could mean. SWINGERS The most common non-monogamous relationship type that you see is likely going to be Swingers. Swingers are usually a couple (whatever number you decide in your head a couple is) that has an almost strictly sexual relationship with other couples. The romantic aspect isn’t usually there, but it could be in some ways. It’s easier to define like this: I could have sex or see my partner have sex with another person as long as feelings aren’t involved and we’re justs having fun being the sexual beings that we are. POLYAMORY The next most common non-monogamous relationship type is Polyamory or Poly for short. Polyamory is where the emotional connection begins to pick up and develop relationships between more than two people. There are some shows, podcasts as well as tons of reading material that covers this topic into plenty more detail than a single blog post. OPEN RELATIONSHIPS Another type of non-monogamy is Open Relationships. Open Relationship is the umbrella term for most people that aren’t in the non-monogamous lifestyle. To someone living in the standard monogamous relationships it appears to them like this: “Swingers? Oh you have an open relationship” “Polyamorous? Oh you have an open relationship”. Personally I feel more people classify themselves as open relationships if they have the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” style of polyamory or non-monogamy in general. There are 2342ih203hr4un5 more types of non-monogamous relationships from what I’ve learned online and through discussions (That’s an obvious exaggeration if you didn’t know). At some point I hope to cover each one in its own article. CHEATER, CHEATER, PUMPKIN EATER So now you understand that being non-monogamous is about being with more than one person. If this concept is somehow new to you, you’re probably thinking that it falls into the category of cheating. Nope. Not the few that were covered above. The difference? Those are what you classify as ethical non-monogamy. Cheating is 10000% unethical. Every person has a definition of what cheating may be to them. Maybe you’re ok with flirting online, but not in real life. You could be so strict on the idea that you think watching porn is cheating. It’s not my place to judge because only you know what feels like betrayal from your partner(s). I have had this conversation with too many people when they discover that I’m Polyamorous. “You’re just cheating but getting away with it” “If you want someone else then why are you with your partner” “So you’re telling me if your partner was talking to another person, you wouldn’t be mad? Bullshit” Anyone that has been in a non-monogamous relationship more than 10 minutes has heard at least one of those statements. It gets really old, but you get great at responding to the questions. It’s like a test but you have the answer key. MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE I have more personal experience with polyamory, I have dipped my toe in the swinging world and would do so again if my current partner was open to the idea and came to me about it. If it’s alright with you I’m going to let you know some things about me. If you don’t want to read it, skip ahead until you see PICK UP HERE in a line by itself. I didn’t learn about ethical non-monogamy until I was 25 years old. I’m 31 now. That doesn’t seem like a long time but I have crammed what feels like a lifetime of learning into those 6 years. Essentially, I was always cheating on my partners, I hate that they had to go through any of that with me, as most of them were amazing women. With that said, I learned about ethical non-monogamy at a very dark place in my life, I had just been cheated on and I still didn’t want to lose her (She will be called Scooby if I refer to her). I was hurt by the dishonesty and betrayal, not the fact that she had been exploring a relationship with another man. When I moved out, it was because we tried to open it up after some discussion and I attempted to place some strict rules on what we were going to do. We had already had a few fun times swinging with some friends, but this was different, we were going to strike out and develop relationships with different people. In hindsight, we were doomed simply because we were trying to save our relationship by opening up. That is always a terrible idea. It will never work out and if it does, please share your story. So after I moved out on my own, I started to research some of the things I learned about non-monogamy and suddenly I had clarity on my entire dating life. I need more than one connection, physically and emotionally. It has no reflection of my partners or anything that they are doing. It never has been. At some point, I moved back in with her to be friends and see if we could fix the damage (spoiler alert: we didn’t). We maintained the friends with benefits relationship for most of 2016 and part of 2017. In July 2016 I met a couple that I fell in love with, she captivated me from day one and he became my best friend. There was always tension between her and me from the moment we met, so we developed a relationship that had zero sex involved, it was about the time together and her husband was right with us. At first it was unspoken about how things were, but it became obvious to everyone involved that we all were in love with each other, she and I were in a romantic love. He and I were in a platonic love. They are still a cornerstone of my life and just as much a part of my relationship with my partner today. If I refer to her she’ll be known as Little Girl, a cute nickname that just started one day by the way I asked a question. It was Fall of 2016 and I had started to understand and enjoy a non-monogamous life. I had Scooby and Little Girl. they both knew the situation and were on board. I had also been having a casual fling with an ex of mine, BJ. So add her to the mix as well I suppose. I was learning how to be myself and be honest for what was the first time in my life. I began working a retail job in the fall and met a wonderful girl there at orientation (Darling), we had a few dates, she was poly and in a relationship. It fizzled out before it could really get started but I’m not sharing that story, So by November, I was in what felt like 4 positive non-monogamous relationships. These relationships did start to deteriorate but that was on me. Little Girl moved back north due to some family stuff, BJ and I had fallen out, Darling had gone MIA after a really bad night with another couple, and Scooby and I eventually moved apart again. Flash to 2018, I was moving out of Scooby’s place into a house with my Dad. When I was talking to the boss of my new job, I made eye contact and a smile with what might be the most beautiful person I’ve ever known. She was the server at the restaurant I was about to begin working at. I call her Princess to this day. So Princess and I became good friends and got to know each other at work, she was in an abusive relationship and We just happened to be looking for a roommate at the news house. Princess moved in and we ended up having a friends with benefits relationship for some time. We had fallen for each other but she wasn’t ready to be with someone and I was enjoying being a single guy. This part gets a little complicated at first, Scooby and I had reconnected and Princess was cheering for us, they both knew the dynamic of the relationships and were ok with it. I ended up moving out of the house and back in with Scooby. While Scooby and I were trying to figure out what we were and how it was going to be, she ended up meeting a wonderful guy at a house party, I told her to pursue it and see where it went. We did much better this time at the polyamory thing. I could see how she felt about him and I was happy for her and could feel the strength in our own relationship grow more everyday. It came to an end again when the new guy said he wanted to be in a relationship with her but he wasn’t on board with the polyamorous life. I didn’t want to hurt Scooby’s happiness and chance to grow in a much healthier relationship so I stepped away from it and moved back in with Princess and my dad. Princess has known that I’m non-monogamous from the first time we talked. She and I eventually stopped being dumb and talked about how we felt about each other and got into a committed relationship. We are still together and I still love her more every day. I introduced Princess and Little Girl (Oh yeah she moved back down here with her husband), it was not my intention to blend the relationship I had now with the relationships I had before. I didn’t have any control over that, those two fell in love with each other and still love each other. Little Girl’s husband is still just as important to everyone as we are to him. The pandemic has stopped any new relationships from forming, but that could change at any moment if the right person comes along for either of us. Now you have the crazy and condensed history of my poly life. There is much more to that but I wanted to give you the run down so you could learn about me. PICK UP HERE TYPES OF POLYAMORY BUT NOT ALL OF THEM Now that we’ve diverted for a minute let’s cover some of the Polyamory Dynamics that exist. This is not even close to the full list or even a piece of the list. It’s just a good place to start. My favorite style is “Kitchen Table Polyamory”. The fastest way to explain it: All partners involved could sit at the kitchen table together and discuss things. That doesn’t mean that everyone gets along great or shares every detail, it just means that you can all co-exist together and there aren’t many issues with each other. Another type is parallel polyamory, This style has a range of meanings and structures. Parallel isn’t a literal definition. A V-style structure (One person has a relationship with 2 people that aren’t involved with each other), they may be kitchen table or they may be parallel. If they are parallel, the two relationships that branch from the hinge (the person that is dating the two partners) may not communicate but are aware of the relationship structure. That’s parallel. WHEN IN DOUBT, COMMUNICATE The amount of communication in the polyamorous relationship can vary as well in parallel poly. The metamours (your partner’s partner) could be friends and talk from time to time or you could be on the other end of the spectrum and have a Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) relationship with your partners. DADT works for some people, it means that you don’t discuss the things that happen in your other relationships. It doesn’t mean that your partner doesn’t know there is a relationship because that would be unethical. In my personal opinion, DADT style poly is probably the quickest to collapse on itself. I think that because to me communication and honesty are the keys to making non-monogamous relationships work. Trust, Honesty, and Communication are the absolute building blocks of every relationship, not just non-monogamous ones. If you’re on my page for the kink side of things, those three are just as important in your lives as well. Without them, no relationship can succeed. COMING UP NEXT I’ve already covered a lot of subject matter, but, there is far more to come. The next non-monogamy article is going to cover the Terrific Three (Trust, Honesty, Communication) as well as Jealousy and Compersion. MORE RESOURCES If you’re wanting to do more research on mon-monogamy and understanding more about it, check out the normalizing non-monogamy podcast (normalizingnonmonogamy.com) Finn and Emma are two of my favorite podcasters. There are a ton of resources in the show notes of the first episode of Kinkslayer (anchor.fm/kinkslayer). If you want to reach out to me directly you can do so with linktr.ee/mr.kinkslayer #Poly #AlternativeLifestyle #polyamory #NonMonogamy #Relationships

– Joe, what’s the matter? Don’t I turn you on? – I don’t know what the problem is. – Well, would it help if you went back to thinkin’ I’m your sister? – Like I’m some sort of white-trash perv? – I’m your sister! I’m your sister! – Oh, you’re my sister! -Joe Dirt Roleplay is often tied to the kink community but you don’t have to be into whips and chains to enjoy your imagination in the bedroom. The concept of roleplay comes in many different forms. If you use your imagination to masturbate, that’s a form of roleplay. Stranger in a bar role with your wife? Roleplay. The only limitation is the person or people involved. You can have an orgy with a dildo and a blindfold. We often think of the Doctor/Patient scenario as it has been prominent in porn since cave paintings probably. I can’t find an actual year that it started in porn so if you know and can show me a resource I’m happy to update it. As old and timeless as that scenario is, it’s still in the top ten of roleplay scenarios. We will cover the top roles in just a minute. Roleplay sounds silly but can do wonders for your sex life. It can be awkward at first but as time goes on and you do it more, it’ll become second nature. You’ll buy a big wheel for the wall and give it a spin nightly to see who you’re going to be. This is another bedroom activity that requires trust and an open mind. If you’re thinking about how stupid you sound, you’re going to portray that in your voice and body language. Just remember, this is your partner, you’re naked in front of them, you’re having sex, they are your comfort zone in this moment. Now that you understand that you’re ready to roleplay. Get out the nurse outfit and get to it I’m kidding, I want to explain some scenarios that are very popular. There are infinite ways to enjoy roleplaying. Let’s get your mind warmed up and open to what you really want. The Scenarios: The most popular scenario at this moment in time is the handyman and the horny housewife. It can be a fun way to get the significant other to do some chores in anticipation of when it’s going to start. I’m not here to lay out how to do these roles, that’s up to you. It’s YOUR imagination not mine. Mine might scare you a little too much. Most of my readers here grew up with Britney Spears. Yeah you know where I’m going already. The student/ school girl and the professor. That one can be fun because you can actually incorporate some Dom/sub play here. Give your sub homework, extra credit, etc. The things that you can grade and administer punishment or rewards for. The babysitter is another fun one. The babysitter can offer a special thanks to the “parent” or the “parent” can offer something instead of money. This really can tap into some repressed teenage fantasies you have forgotten about. Your best friend’s hot dad. Yeah we know you wanted to fuck him. I know how hot your girlfriend’s mom was too, too bad you didn’t get to show her why her daughter loved you so much. Up next on our list is the classic Boss/Secretary roles. If you haven’t seen the movie “The Secretary” I highly suggest it, much better than 50 Shades or any other film about BDSM. It can give you a few ideas so get on it. There’s a deadline. Don’t miss it, you don’t want the boss to get angry. Of course if you want to mix in restraints with your role play, the Police Officer/ Criminal scenario is a fun one, interrogate your suspect until he/she wants to confess how bad they need to get off and then they will tell you everything. Word of advice though: Real handcuffs are not comfortable. Get some Rope (educate and prepare yourself first), some cuffies, or a belt to tie them up. It works much better than that steel band grinding into your wrist every time you move and it can really kill the orgasm. The Doctor/Nurse and Patient is and will always be in demand for the bedroom. So many ways to enjoy this one. Do some research about tips and ideas beyond my page and get it right. This is the one that will throw a lot of you for a loop. Incest roleplay is on the rise and it’s rising fast. So get your best stepsister mentality on and get yourself stuck in the dryer. There are late night possibilities too. “Sneaking into your step brothers room” and the oops I saw you naked in the shower so I might as well join to save time. Don’t knock it until you try it. Beyond the standard roles, this is where sensory deprivation can be a lot of fun, headphones with some light crowd noise on repeat cna turn your bedroom into a packed bar watching you get your partner off. Grab the Fleshlight and give your man a blindfolded threesome. Grab the dildo and let her get her threesome fantasy filled. The mind is a fun thing to play with and you won’t feel as awkward. Although, I will say for some of you asking your partner “Does his cock feel good?” might be a little strange to say at first, but enjoy it. You never know you might enjoy it more than your partner. Umm….Awkward.. Roleplaying at first will feel foreign. You’re going to second guess if your partner thinks you sound stupid, or you might worry you’re going to far. That’s where the safe word concept comes in. I also made it clear that you should be having a good time and not taking sex too seriously all the time. Yes you will sound stupid sometimes. Yes you both will laugh during and after. That one thing you said that felt really weird to say? She loved it and it made her cum harder. You don’t know how any of this will go until you try. So go forward and get your bedroom PHD. Be the best damn babysitter in the world. Clean those pipes out. Have a fantastic time with your threesome with two people. Also, a little disclaimer for all of these. None of these imply that you or your partner wants to have sex with any of the roles they are wanting you to be. They don’t want to fuck their sister, They don’t want the Doctor to throw them in the stirrups and get deep in it. It’s just a fantasy so don’t overthink it. Until Next Time Peace Out sub Scouts Love, Jett #Education

We’re going to get through the scientific side of this first and then talk about some things that will be crucial to your knowledge about HSV or what most people call Herpes. PLEASE WATCH FIRST There are two types of Herpes, HSV-1 and HSV-2: HSV-1 (Herpes Simplex Virus 1) is often oral herpes (cold sores on the mouth), but can cause genital herpes. We’ll discuss transmission in a moment. HSV-1 is by far the most common. The difference in one of the most recent studies shows that HSV-1 was at 47.8 percent compared to HSV-2 at 11.9 percent. Both types of the virus are on the decline which is a great indication that treatment and awareness are working. HSV-2 (Herpes Simplex Virus 2) is much less common but still affects an estimated 11.9 percent of the world’s population from the age of 15 to 49. Infection rates for HSV-1 and HSV-2 vary significantly from country to country, although HSV-1 infection rates are consistently high worldwide. Here are some quick Data Points: Unfortunately a lot of this data is outdated. Africa is said to have the highest percentage of HSV-2 positive population at 32% compared to the world’s average of 11.9% (2014) 53.9% of the US population has HSV-1 (2005-2010) and 15.7% have HSV-2 The infection rate of HSV-2 in 14-19 year olds has declined from 55% in 2004 to 39% in 2010 It is estimated that up to 88% of homeless women suffer from HSV-2 33% of children in lower income homes, show signs of HSV-1 by Age 5 The average age of first symptoms for either virus (affected from birth) is 6 Years Old. Until recently, there hasn’t been much hope for a cure, only a way to maintain and control outbreaks. There has been a cure discovered through testing on animals. They are hoping to move to human trials soon! Now let’s move past the data and on to things that are important to you. Symptoms, Testing, Treatment, and Learning How To Live With HSV. The most common symptoms according to the CDC are: Blisters or Sores in or around the mouth, genitals, and/or anus Painful Urination (HSV-2) Itching Rare possibility is Herpes Keratitis. This is an infection of the eye. These symptoms include: Eye discharge Painful irritation Feeling of sand or grit in your eye Less Common Symptoms include: Fever Lymph Node Abnormalities Headaches Tiredness Lack of Appetite (Those symptoms alone aren’t indicators. Don’t WebMD this and think if you’ve got a headache that you have HSV.) Don’t forget Herpetic Whitlow. This is an infection of the fingers. This can happen by touching someone with HSV directly on a sore with a finger that has an open sore. Testing – The CDC doesn’t recommend testing for asymptomatic people, I personally disagree. Asymptomatic people can still spread the virus. Most STI panels DO NOT test for HSV. STI Panels focus more on things that can have serious complications and consequences if they are not treated. You should request this test when you go get tested. Unfortunately, the medical field sees the shame and stigma that comes with having the virus worse than actually having the virus. There are super rare cases where herpes can develop or cause meningitis which can result in death due to the infection. There are three types of tests: Oral swab – Tested by using a swab on a sore that could be herpes. Quick and easy. Blood Test – If there is a chance you have come into contact with someone with HSV but are not displaying symptoms, a blood test will be necessary. Pretty painless, but much more effective than an oral swab. Spinal Tap – This is used in the case where meningitis is a possible diagnosis. Test results come out normal/negative or abnormal/positive. Scary as it is, a normal/negative test DOES NOT mean you do not have HSV. It means that you don’t have enough of the virus in your blood to be detectable. If you experience the HSV symptoms, get retested ASAP. Positive results speak for themselves. If you test positive and have no sores, it means you are asymptomatic and should get in contact with previous partners. Any result should be retested in the future. False results do happen. If you were told by someone to get tested and it’s negative, get retested. If you have a positive result, even if it may be a false positive, notify your previous partners from your first or your last negative test result. Treatment – HSV-1 and HSV-2 are both lifelong infections without any known cure. However, a variety of safe, affordable and highly effective medications are available to treat both types of the virus. The three medical treatments used by a doctor are: Acyclovir Famciclovir Valacyclovir Those medications may be in pill, cream, or (In rare cases) injection form. As embarrassing as it may feel, if you’re not on a medical treatment, please consult your doctor. It takes medical interventions, sorry to all my “natural remedy” folks. No plant keeps the herpes suppressed. These medications are not a cure. They do offer a chance to have less intense and less frequent outbreaks. More importantly they reduce the risk of transmitting sharply. As for learning how to live with the virus, I am not consulting medical websites. Those places are often out of touch with reality and what it’s like. I instead will be putting the advice from the 100 participants in the HSV Sample I did. There will be a link at the end if you want the raw data. I feel like hearing from people that live through this every day, getting resources put right here for you, and understanding that life isn’t over will be the most important things to take from this whole article. I can’t speak from my own personal experience with the virus, I can only share the medical facts, and the lessons from others who have walked this path before you. If you’re recently diagnosed or scared you may have contracted HSV, take all of these in and take a breath, it’s going to be alright I promise. See a therapist Why are you struggling given that it’s such an extremely minor and inconsequential thing? Your life will change less than you expect. If you’re a woman, men really don’t seem to care. It gets better, I think. Also healthy living might kick the OBs out completely You’re not alone. You are not gross or dirty. Things happen. Make the best of it. It will probably feel panicky for a year or two, but once you attack your internal stigmas you will feel more solid in the world and deal with it like any other annoying problem. Life never stops. I still have goals and dreams that I want to achieve. Doing suppressant therapy might cause some depression aside the fact that they might have depression and anxiety. This pill will make you tired and it makes you want to sleep more. Stress, amount of sleep, chocolate and alcohol are the biggest factors that people should consider. Lysine is good for cold sores (HSV1). I am HSV2 positive. It’s hard, but only as hard as you make it on yourself. Find a support network, a trusted friend. I’ve found there are people in my life I had no idea had it, or they’ve disclosed a different chronic sti they struggle with. Not everyone is going to be understanding. I wasn’t before I was diagnosed and dove into the depths of resources. Realize that this isn’t something that is life ending, and that it doesn’t make you gross or dirty. Things happen, and learning to accept it and value even this part of yourself is important. Learn about your body and what helps or hurts/stresses it. Be open with others, most have it and you are not alone…billions have this! It’s not the end of the world. Learn to listen to your body, take care of yourself, and know that someone will want to be with you regardless. It’s important to find people to talk to about it! It gets better. It truly does. People don’t care, they want to be educated. Sex life can be incredible still, you will find love, you will have successful pregnancies and birth if you choose that. The only difference between me, and anyone living without it, is I have to have a serious talk with people from the jump. EVERYONE I have ever told, was appreciative, wanted to be educated, and 99.9 percent still wanted to be with me and progress the relationship. People appreciate the realness, the more you educate the more the stigma dies. You will encounter someone either with it, or someone who has been with someone who has it. It’s common, and you can have a successful happy life if you allow that, and you love yourself. i’ve seen people say it gets easier. i’m still new, only a month in and i’m lowkey clinging to the idea that it’s a false positive (still remaining abstinent in case it isn’t). it’s just something you have to deal with. many many many people have it and you just don’t know. i worked with my coworker for two years before finding out he also has it. he’s had it since 2015 and has had 3 outbreaks the entire time. people have it, they just don’t shout it from the rooftops. all will be okay my friends 💕 Take one day at a time and to find a great set people who will support and encourage you. I am still struggling myself. It is not easy and it is not a day that goes by where I don’t think about it. However, I try to think life could be worse and I am blessed to still be alive and well. Join advocacy groups Be honest about it. Lying is easy short-term but you can’t build a lasting relationship that way. Love your life honestly. Try your hardest to live safely and not pass it on but don’t let it stand in your way. You are everything you were before! Love yourself. It is hard to coupe with the idea to live with this diseases for the rest of your life, but you have the choice to do something positive out of it. There are millions of people with this virus, and the best way to help yourself and other is by advocating for a cure. We are closer than ever before for a cure. Become active by donating to the researcher who are investigating trying to develop the cure. If you can not donate, help others by sharing helpful information. No matter what you do for the cause little or small, every way of contribution helps. It gets easier You are more than your diagnosis. There will be a cure in the future Ir gets easier as you go. Open up to people in the community, help end the stigma and learn to love yourself again from scratch. It’s scary but it will be amazing! Everything will be okay! It helps to tell 1 or 2 people close to you to have for support. This isn’t going to ruin your life. It’s easily managed with meds and most people don’t care that you have it. Hang in there. Find new meaning HSV doesn’t define you. Be happy. Be thankful for what you have. Your life isn’t over. Its only a virus! We deal with hundreds maybe even thousands of viruses a day. Its okay. At the moment, just be with yourself, there are many people living with this and that doesn’t stop them so it shouldn’t stop you. Think of this like getting your heart broken you are a wreck for the first few months and it replays in your mind constantly then one day you wake up and it doesnt hurt so much anymore then as time passes you forget the pain of it and realize everything happens for a reason good or bad ut your still you just with another bag on your cart It doesn’t discriminate. Everyone has it and either doesn’t know or doesn’t present symptoms. It’s not the end of the world! Think of it as a great way to know your body and it’s limits. Stress is a trigger for most people – so be gentle on yourself. Invest in eating better, sleeping more, exercising regularly and reduce alcohol and tobacco consumption as a means to prevent flare ups. And be honest with people about having it (when appropriate), you’ll be surprised by how many others have felt shame and not spoken out. It gets a little easier with time. That we will find someone out there ! We need to advocate for ourselves and that we deserve love just as the next person. Participate in supporting the race for a cure at https://www.reddit.com/r/HerpesCureResearch/ It takes time to come to terms with , and you will certainly find someone willing to look past it. Talk to yourself as if you’re someone you love who contracted HSV. Take your medication. Follow forums (Tik tok) of people who have the same condition Give it time. Don’t beat yourself up. Take time. BE kind to yourself. It can be difficult but (sex/relationship) life isn’t over. There is hope. In daily life, don’t sweat it too much: if you feel insecure about it (and trust me, I do) you’ll be the only one knowing about that together with the people you decide to talk to about it. We’re not identified by our pathologies and, fortunately, hsv doesn’t give us a tag on our forehead to make it noticeable In sexual life, I’m still struggling for now so I have no specific advice other than try to start opening up to people you most feel comfortable with and respect any decision they might make. It’s their choice too. Hang in there, scientists are working for a cure and one day we will be free. It doesn’t take away from what you have to offer as a human. It should be treated like any other autoimmune disorder. The people in your life who care about you will not actually care that you have it. Be proactive about outbreaks, take care of yourself, and take pride in who you are. This virus does not define anyone. YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER. YOU ARE WORTHY. Take care of yourself and do your research! Join in the activism for a cure, it’s the only way we can be totally free from it one day, search for herpes cure research on facebook and reddit Do what you can to alleviate the symptoms and lower your viral load, practice disclosing frequently and try to remember that having HSV does not make you any less valuable, attractive or viable a candidate for love and affection and connection with others. Yes, it’s a condition you have to manage and be forthcoming about, but so are countless other things people have. Love yourself, reduce the risks however you can, keep an open dialogue with any potential partners about how you are doing your part to keep things safe, and then let other people make their own health decisions and risk assessments once they are informed. It gets better, in some ways it makes your life better. You are more selective of partners, etc. It gets better Most people have it. If someone isnt willing to be with you because of it I dont think I’d want to be with them either. I want to be with someone who is understanding and who is willing to learn/not judge someone off a stigma. Just know its not the end and don’t stress out too much about it. live your life normally. One day they will find a cure. Find a like minded community, stay hopeful and get on the suppressives Try to stay optimistic Take it day by day It gets better Relax. Breathe deep. Exhale. Repeat. HSV is so commonplace. It’s extremely treatable and relatively easy to live with. It is not fatal or a death sentence. Stay aware. Be cautious. Take care of yourself. Be willing to be open with people, even at the risk of other people judging you. The more honest you are, the better for everyone. Don’t hide your status from potential partners. Relax. Breathe deep. Exhale. Repeat. You can and will endure and thrive. We will get through it, focus on other things in life and learn to love yourself, it can happen to anyone, unfortunately it happened to us but life goes on and the future is unexpected dont lose hope on life Get a therapist and join a support group DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH. Ask your doctor to talk to you about it, buy books, read online articles, listen to podcasts. Knowledge is power and the more you know, the more confident you start to feel about what’s going on with your body and the stigmas attached to hsv. Seriously do not care about the stigma. I’m 19, have a lot of friends, a great boyfriend, I take care of myself. You’ll find someone who doesn’t care about a skin disease and they’ll treat you the way you should be treated. Also if you’re looking for an excuse to be healthy here’s your reason. Try not to think about it. Get enough sleep and take extra good care of yourself All of those are real quotes from people who are going through this! You are not alone. I found 100 people in a few days. A few more resources to look at that know even more than I do on the subject: https://www.bannerhealth.com/healthcareblog/teach-me/hsv1-and-hsv2-breaking-the-stigma-of-herpes https://www.reddit.com/r/HerpesCureResearch/ https://www.instagram.com/comfortableinmyskin_ https://www.spfpp.org/podcast https://www.instagram.com/safe.slut https://www.instagram.com/alexandraharbushka https://www.lifewithherpes.com/ https://linktr.ee/pickeringfitnesss https://linktr.ee/HerpesCouldNever https://linktr.ee/suzbub http://herpeshandbook.com/ https://linktr.ee/brosandprose https://linktr.ee/zoeligon https://www.reddit.com/r/Herpes/ https://www.reddit.com/r/STD/ https://www.reddit.com/r/HSVpositive/ https://www.reddit.com/r/GenitalHerpes/ https://bookshop.org/lists/herpes Kinkslayer HSV Sample Study – HSV+ Questions (Responses) I want to thank the Reddit and Kinkslayer Community for contributing and making all of this possible! Until Next Time, Peace Out sub Scouts Love, Mister #Herpes #STD #SexEd #STI #Education

“Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy – in fact, they are almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land No one is exempt from feelings of jealousy. Yes that’s right even in non-monogamous relationships there are moments of jealousy. My favorite thing I’ve ever heard about defining the source of jealousy is it has nothing to do with your partner(s), it’s all about you and what you feel like you’re lacking. It’s true in relationships of all kinds, we tend to feel jealousy in friendships, relationships, work relationships, and even family. The source in all of those is you. I have had some rough experiences with jealousy and, before I learned the core exercise in helping turn jealousy into something silly, it’s the worst feeling ever. It’s anxiety, depression, anger, self-consciousness, and every other negative emotion in one. The really good thing is that there is a simple exercise you can do to help yourself get through it. I have no idea where it sources from but I know it is super effective, like a water type against a fire type Pokemon. The first time I heard about this exercise was from Polyamory Weekly, I highly recommend their podcast. The exercise in question is the “And Then What” exercise. It breaks down like this: Imagine a situation that could trigger jealousy, I want you to imagine a personal situation for yourself. No one has the same path on this Got your scenario? Good now ask yourself “and then what?” Got the next step? “And then what?” Keep on doing this until it starts to sound really silly and then do it once more. Example for you: My partner is on a date with someone tonight And then what? They have a really good time And then what? She wants to go home with him to have sex And then what? They hook up and she really enjoys it And then what? She wants to be with him instead of me because the sex is better And then what? She leaves me for him And then what? She meets his family And then what? She falls in love with his sister And then what? She runs away with his sister to Oklahoma to open a cat ranch And then what? The cats take over the ranch and start a revolution to take over the world See how I eventually got to a really stupid outcome? It became silly so the fact that my partner is on a date is unlikely to result in cats taking over the world. It’s a super simple exercise that you can apply to any situation and help you get through it I could give you a million examples, but, I’d like for you to give me a good one on my facebook page, or leave me a message for me to share in the contact page or send an email to Jett@kinkslayer.com I like results and if it helps I want to know it. I’m here if anyone ever needs to talk out some jealous feelings and we can do a live “and then what” in a chat on any of my social media. If you’re not already following me on them, Find them here and get to it. I said it in the Trust article, I’ll say it again, This is not the answer to jealousy, it’s just a resource and I recommend you stay up to date with the articles and my feeds to see what’s coming soon to learn more and grow with me. Until next time Peace Out Cub Scouts Love, Jett

People have been debating Kink and Pride Communities being together for some time. There has also been much discussion and debate about exactly how much the Kink and LGBT communities intertwine. I personally think that they are almost one in the same. When it comes to the argument, I can take the approach of seeing both sides of the line. Comment your opinions on the subject at the end. Let’s kick it off with the reasons the Kink Community DOES belong at Pride Events. Then we can cover the reasons kink DOESN’T belong at Pride Events: 1 – Both Kink and Pride Communities are extremely accepting and inclusive Both communities are very familiar with being outcasted and looked down on for being themselves. When it comes to the LGBT community, I could go on about the oppression that the community faces to this day. There is still such a stigma and negative view of LGBT media, couples, and events. The LGBT community has had it much worse for sure, but, it’s not about who had it worse. It’s about the struggle for acceptance that both communities have sought for centuries. The Kink Community has been more accepted by the general population with adaptations; (although, not many of them are very good) through various media outlets. The first thing that comes to mind for most people when you mention the word kink or kinky, “Oh, like 50 Shades?”. It gets so tiring to hear that as an example, but I will give it the credit it deserves. It may not be a good example of Kink, but it did open the world’s eyes to the community. Many in the community have taken the newcomers under their wing. They have shown them the proper ways to practice safer kink. Which brings me to the point, the LGBT community always welcomes others just trying to find their identity. The same can be said about the Kink Community. The Kink Community has shown to be one of the most welcoming communities I’ve found. No matter if it’s online, in a meetup (Munch), or in a dungeon. The core principles of the Kink Community are all about Consent, Communication, and Exploration. I’ve found a majority of the members of the both Communities are always happy to educate and look out for people that could be prayed upon by the few bad seeds that have crept into either. The love and acceptance I have found in both communities has made me see how much they truly go hand in hand. “Sexuality is fluid. Whether you’re gay or you’re straight or you’re bisexual, you just go with the flow.”shane McCutcheon, The L Word 2 – Strong values in self discovery and community discovery From the first time I heard anyone mention being tied up in the bedroom, I was put on a journey of discovery. IT took some really rough moments and not very much to go on besides porn back in the 2000’s, at least for me. If I would have had places in public places to learn a bit about kink, not necessarily all of the aspects, but, basic education and resources that I could follow along with and really understand who I was. Kink isn’t a normalized thing in even today’s world. That’s why I think places like Pride events are the perfect place to get that education. The typical ride event is always given a side glance. The Pride events I’ve been to have shown me that people of all ages can come to learn and really establish a place to be themselves. I continue to see that younger generations, and the parents that raise them, are embracing the fact that they are different in more than one way. The events need that place to feel safe and get a better understanding of who they are. The part that makes me so happy is that there is such a loving and accepting place for everyone. The resources are unlimited and I think if there were a place in the festivals to get legitimate resources, then these teens and younger people wouldn’t need to get education from porn or a fiction book. 3 – The majority of society has zero understanding and stigmas around both. When it comes to Pride Events, it’s a collection of some of the most stigmatized and demonized people in the world. Correction, America. The world (for the most part) has learned that being gay doesn’t make you some devil or evil person. Kink doesn’t have that specific stigma. Kinky people are just called weird or hear “I couldn’t do that” People still look at both with such a negative view that it really doesn’t matter how positive we show it to the world, the old minds will never accept these groups into it. The newer generation is saving the future and it’s showing that people are just people, no matter who they love or what they do behind closed doors. All I hear about Kink is it’s about beating people or hurting them, Kink has such a bond beyond what most “vanilla” relationships will never experience. Sometimes in a scene people will literally put their lives in someone else’s hand, some vanilla relationships can’t even trust their partner to go shopping or to the bar alone. 4 – If the communities were a Venn diagram, it would practically be a circle When we hit the pride events for the fun spanks and all of the wonderful activities we do at pride events, there never seems to be a dull moment between spanking people and educational moments with the other people at the fest. THe amount of people walking around with a pup play mask, a collar, I’ve even seen a few leashes on people. The Kink Community is already at these events more so than we realize. Over time, Pride Events may have started as an LGBT event, but as we have progressed, it has come to be a place of acceptance and appreciation for all walks of life and I have never seen anyone be shunned for how they are dressed or what they are doing. The exception I guess would be those crazy church groups that think their protests are going to change someone from being who they are to being someone they never want to be. NEWS FLASH: Being homosexual isn’t why someone will go to hell just like being heterosexual isn’t a reason people will get into heaven (if you believe in that sort of thing) The more subtle reasons that people tend to belong in both communities? Something as simple as apparel. Leather has been closely associated with the Gay community since the 1950’s and possibly earlier but there is not direct indication that it started before the 1950’s in Europe. Slang is another subtle thing that ties the communities. Daddy has a similar but different meaning in both communities. Kink has Daddy as in a caregiver form. The Gay community uses the term Daddy to refer to an older gentleman that prefers younger men. There are more but we still have many reasons to go. So let’s continue: 5 – Both Kink and Pride are being educated accepted and studied more now than ever before For 20+ years, homosexuality has been defined as a mental illness by the APA. Even today the DSM-5 still classifies some kinks as a mental disorder. Fetishes are all generalized under the Fetishistic Disorder. Masochists are under the sexual masochism disorder tag. There are so many more that are included. Truthfully that kind of information should best come from a licensed therapist or doctor. The main point is that these Kink and Pride events offer resources and gain education through the research conducted. There is a quick survey that you can do to help push this article to the next level. I would be forever grateful if you give your opinion. The world continues to demonize the Trans community by saying on one side of the political spectrum, it’s a mental disorder. That same side bullies and treats Trans people as less than human. If you do that let me be the first to throw you a middle finger but also welcome you a chance to educate yourself. It is really a bad image to sit and judge people for the things they do in their own lives, and the way I see it, if they’re going to be judged in private, they might as well celebrate themselves in the public “If you help elect more gay people, that gives a green light to all who feel disenfranchised a green light to move forward.” Harvey Milk 6 – Kink and Pride participants love spankings 107 butts. 107 consenting and happy butts. That is how many spankings we gave out at Blue Ridge Pride. That’s a lot of butts for anyone to spank. That’s also 107 people that now have solid resources (like the ones featured on this page) Not only was it 107 spankings, there were friends and people with them. There were people stopping to view the fun. Each of those have a moment they won’t forget and a moment that they will tell others about. The word of mouth of the events and fun mean that more people will be talking about this and sharing what they went through. It means that other people may come with them next time to have fun too. By doing our part to bring Kink and Pride together, I think we have helped bridge that gap even more. They love spankings. They love being accepted even more. 7 – Kink and Pride are both core identities in private life If you’ve read any of my recent articles, you can see that we discussed the art of Ethical Public Play. While these events are very public, they are also very essential to our core values and who we are. If you’re Bisexual, you’re having sexual relations with 2 sexes, if you’re a Dom, you’re a Dom, if you’re Trans, you’re trans. The world doesn’t always have to know that and that’s why some people are afraid to Come Out. The world doesn’t always accept it either. You ordering for your submissive and only letting them address you can be a part of the 24/7 dynamic. To the server it just seems like you’re a controlling asshole. If you’re out with your boyfriend and you’re having a drink on date night, the bartender usually thinks you’re just two buddies out having a drink. You know the real truth and that is absolutely all that matters. What happens behind closed doors and the love you have for yourself and your partner will always overpower the hate a bigotry the world can sometimes show. Let me throw a kink in the wheel (no pun intended), what if you only hook up with your same sex once in a while? Or you only have a dynamic in the bedroom? Then you’re still just as valid in the respective communities. You have a place there. No one has to know why you feel at home at these events, the only person that matters is you when it comes to that knowledge. At these events, you’ll find families there just to support the teenager that’s curious or not sure if they are lesbbian or bisexual. You’ll see siblings supporting each other. You’ll see friends binding because one of them just came out as gay or trans. The Kink and Pride communities can and do lean on each other in many more ways than I could begin to list. I was going to add 6 reasons why they don’t belong together, but, fuck it. I can’t think of a valid reason they don’t. If you have a few reasons and want to write the rebuttal for me, please send me an email at: Mister@Kinkslayer.com I can’t wait for pride this weekend in Columbia SC. Don’t forget that Kink and Pride survey and don’t forget to follow all the other social media links. You also have a chance to join the Kinkslayer Patreon for just $1 a month. There are no rewards or tiers yet, that just helps the brand grow and spread awareness and continue to run and get out there. Until Next Time. Peace Out sub Scouts Love, Mister #Opinion #Kink #LGBT #LGBT #Education

Overcoming Envy Is Your Personal Responsibility. Stop Acting Like It’s Not! Life isn’t fair. It never was and never will be. -John F. Kennedy Life isn’t fair, that phrase pissed me off so much as a kid. I envy the person that never had to hear that. Even though I use that phrase from time to time, it still irritates me, but I understand it more these days. What no one tells you is, Love isn’t fair. It isn’t even equal. Think I’m wrong? Look back and remember your past relationships. One of you always loved the other or showed love to the other more. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just the way things work. There is no true 50/50 split in a relationship. In a non-monogamous relationship, this fact is still a fact. The difference is now there’s just a bit more to have an imbalance of. I sound so cynical, I can assure you that I’m not. I think the imbalance is a beautiful thing if it’s embraced and used to grow as an individual for the benefit of the unit. The Biggest Imbalance In Non-Monogamy Speaking as a (insert politically correct identifiers here) male, I’ve felt the imbalance of non-monogamous relationships many times. My partner(s) tend to have more dates than I do, my partners tend to need more attention from me than I need from them, I have missed out on many potential dates because I’m polyamorous, the list could continue easily. While on the surface it doesn’t seem to be very fair, I think it’s the reason I’ve developed the sense of security in myself that I have. It hasn’t always been easy, especially in the beginning of my ETHICAL Non-Monogamy journey. In my unethical days, I kept people’s attention simply because I acted as if I were single despite being in a monogamous relationship. If you’re reading this as a monogamous person AND you’re a serial cheater (or have been in the past), I suggest you take a good look at who you are and see if you may be non-monogamous. (SPOILER ALERT: You probably are, or you’re a narcissist that just feeds off the attention of others (not a psychiatrist, I just understand the view point from personal experience)) Since becoming an ethically non-monogamous person, I’ve found the world of dating to be much more difficult. It’s surprising how many people will or want to fuck you if you’re in a relationship and you’re partner doesn’t know about it. Throw in honesty and communication and suddenly they shy away. The biggest obstacle I experienced when I first started embracing non-monogamy was the imbalance. If you’ve been in a non-monogamous relationship, you fully understand that there is likely a 10-to-1 ratio of potential partners (that ratio being 10 for potential partners for women for every 1 a man gets). Women are by far the fairer sex and deserve the love and attention, so I get it. Getting it on the surface of the mind doesn’t help with getting in on a deeper level. When I first came into this lifestyle, it was hard to accept that my partner at the time was getting messages and matches multiple times a day, yet, I was getting one or two a month. I thought I was feeling jealousy at first, but I then learned it was envy. Yes there is a difference between the two, Jealousy (adjective) is a feeling, where a person feels threatened that someone is trying to take away something that belongs to them. Envy (Noun or Verb) is the longing and resentment of something someone else possesses whether it be a quality, possession, or something even out of said person’s control. I wasn’t jealous, I knew my partner wasn’t going anywhere, I was envious of the attention they were getting. I felt like I was entitled to the same attention, yet, I wasn’t getting it. I hate jealousy, I embrace envy. Envy is one thing that despite being seen as a negative, can be a major positive and driving factor in self-improvement. It started by learning to utilize the “And Then What” Exercise (credit: Polyamory Weekly) you can also see how I’ve explained it here. Once you start to manage your jealousy, also known as wibbles in the polyamory world. You can then start to focus on the main person that can change all of those feelings for the better, yourself. Take the opportunity to break the feeling of envy down within yourself. You can’t understand why you feel envy until you know why you feel envy. Read that again. The envious feeling you get when your partner gets a new date or message, when your best friend gets a new car, when your co-worker gets a raise,or when your dog is happy all the time stem from the same place. All of those things make you see that there is something that you fall short on in some aspect. Charisma/attractiveness, financial security, work ethic, and self love respectively. Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. -Saint Augustine So let’s create a simple yet effective exercise to get through the envy. The Envy Within 1 – Look at the situation from the outside and generalize it My Partner has had multiple messages and more dates than I have. I want that for myself 2 – Figure out what the central factor is in obtaining that same goal. Understand how those things were what brought you towards the subject of your envy in the first place. My partner has amazing pictures, a well written profile, they are also super witty and have a wonderful personality. All of those were things I saw in them when I met them. So I understand how others could see it too. 3 – Look at yourself and see how you can fix those things that you lack in yourself I could have better photos and show my personality better on my profiles. I could start taking better care of myself and dressing better. I could be funnier. I don’t take the time to find quality connections, I’ve been chasing quantity. 4 – Use logic to bring the issues to a level headed viewpoint. Although my partner is getting more messages than I am, most of them are incompatible with them and it doesn’t go anywhere. My partner has put effort into what they have on their profiles which takes time and I’m happy they are trying to attract quality people. I make people laugh all the time, therefore I must be funny. It won’t take much for me to fix my appearance, I’m attractive enough to have my partner’s attention so I’ve been doing something right. 5 – Find solutions that only you can make happen. My friend is a photographer, maybe we can get together and take some great photos. I need to research how to make an effective bio for my profile and make it my own. Thrift stores have some fantastic clothes for cheap, I just need to take the time to go there. I can learn how to captivate and entertain the audience in front of me. I should try a different hairstyle or facial hairstyle, try a new makeup style, get in shape. get a manicure (yes even men can get them, they are amazing), or just take multiple small steps to improve yourself physically, aesthetically, as well as internal growth and development. And the most difficult step of all: 6 – Put these plans in motion. Focus on your own improvement, but learn to also be supportive of your partner’s success. You don’t need an example here. Just take care of the task at hand, create a plan, and continue to be loving and supportive of your partner’s needs. They aren’t leaving you or losing any love they have for you. Even if they do leave you, fuck’em it’s their loss. That is the way I learned to deal with those feelings of my own insecurity and shortcomings. If you do the “And Then What” when you’re feeling jealousy and you do the “Envy Within” when you’re feeling envy, you’ll be a master of your own mind in no time. Life isn’t fair and equal for anyone, neither is love. As long as you have trust, honesty, communication, and a will to improve, there is no obstacle (inside yourself or outside) that you can’t overcome. Coming into ethical non-monogamy is a wonderful experience, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. But as with any relationship model, there is a very high possibility of getting hurt. You are putting emotions and self-confidence on the line, and rejection hurts. Especially when it’s ongoing. Relationships are never fully equal. Not everyone gets the same things at the same time. But they must be fair. And it’s important to ensure that all parties involved are looking out for each other. It can be hard seeing a partner getting more attention than you, and it’s important not to resent them for it. It can be hard seeing a partner failing to get any attention, and it’s important not to resent them for holding you back. The only advice I can give is to communicate, do the research, find people in the community who may have been through the same things, and communicate. (And yes, the repetition of “Communicate” is intentional.) I’d like to leave you with a list of some good books to check out and buy to help improve yourself in all aspects. These are affiliate links. It’s a way I keep the Kinkslayer site running. These products don’t cost any more, but they do provide me with kickbacks so please use them. Jealousy Workbook Charisma Myth Unfu*k Yourself Bundle Get Off Your Ass and Make a Change If you prefer audiobooks, get audible (not a sponsored post) I’ll be adding my referral link later to get you a free audiobook I hope this helps you get through the envious feelings you may be facing, it gets better and much more fun. It just takes some work on your part to overcome it. Until Next Time, Peace Out sub Scouts Love, Mister #PersonalGrowth #Jealousy #NonMonogamy #Envy #Education #Relationships

WHAT IS IMPACT PLAY? So let’s get this covered quickly and clearly, if you’re not good at picking up on context clues, Impact play is play that is impact related. It can be sexual or not, it can happen in a play session or in the middle of a grocery store. The pleasure derived from impact play can be purely from the pain for a masochist or it can bring stress relief for the Dom(me), as with most things kink related everyone involved benefits from it some way or another Impact play is what you make it and not one size fits all for sure. Your former sub may have enjoyed getting caned until bruising was intense, but your next sub may only like a light spanking with your hand or the soft thud of a flogger. If you read my massive novel about the basics of BDSM you know what I’m about to say, you should know what your partner expects and have safe words in play via COMMUNICATION. That word isn’t going anywhere and will probably be featured in every article about kink or non-monogamy. Communication will always be one of the biggest factors in a successful relationship (kinky or not, monogamous or not). It seems like, when you start learning about impact play, there are ten thousand options on what you can use and how to use them. That’s because there really are a wide array of objects and uses for those objects so I’m just going to cover some of the essential or best beginner items to dip your toe in the Impact Play water. NO TOYS? NO PROBLEM. JUST USE YOUR HANDS The best part is, you don’t have to run to a website to get a new paddle or toy. You can start impact play right now. I’m serious, if you’ve communicated wants and desires grab your partner right now and bend them over your knee and give a few solid spankings while you read this. Spanking is the most common impact play used and sometimes people with a vanilla sex life use impact play without thinking about it. That’s right you’re a dirty little slut whether you thought so or not. I’m kidding, that’s degradation and we will enjoy that topic another day. Spanking isn’t the only way to use impact play without a toy, some people like to be slapped. I don’t condone this outside of a play session, because abusive people suck. Don’t be that person. Slapping at the right moment or at least trying it can lead to some shocking results, if you like Californication you’d know that fucking and punching can bring you probably the best orgasm of your life. Just use caution because people do get triggered by this, a former partner of mine wanted to try this one night out of the blue. She had been in some pretty abusive situations and one almost killed her, so I approached with caution. I began with a light tap on her cheek, she liked it a little and asked me to try it a bit harder. I always like helping my partners find what they like and what their limits may be so I obliged her, striking about 20% harder on her face, she froze up and said she didn’t like that and I could see her starting to lose her clarity and presence in the moment. We stopped and I commenced to taking care of her as I would with normal day to day flashbacks, we never tried that again. You have a lot of responsibility as a Dom(me), you have to be aware of your sub and what they are experiencing, you have to remember what is on and off the table to try, you have to be in the moment to pay attention for safewords and be prepared to stop when it’s time or to administer top notch aftercare. Hopefully since the last article you’ve learned a bit more on your own about communication and aftercare. PERVERTABLES So now you’ve gotten your sub used to spanking, so much that their ass stays red six days a week, time to advance yourself some. You STILL don’t have to run to the adult toy store or a website to get a toy for impact play. You can use pervertables. Pervertables, if you don’t remember or just didn’t read, are things around the house or that you can buy in a standard retail store that double as a toy for a play session. You probably have tons around the house right now. Is your sub still on your lap? Get them to run to the kitchen and grab a CLEAN wooden spoon, or even a plastic spoon will work. Now you can try that, use it like you would use a standard paddle. A few light taps to warm the skin and then a solid, but not too hard, smack on the ass. Don’t have a wooden spoon? Send them for that nice dress belt you have hanging up for special occasions, this qualifies as a special occasion. The thing about belts, is they can be used from beginners to extreme masochists as well. You can use the whole belt folded over like an old school ass whipping would have. The benefits of that is a double impact sensation as well as the volume of impact sounds much louder. If you want to just test the water, use the tip, that’s right just the tip to see how it feels. The key to learning about spanking with a belt is to keep the area you’re going to use on the belt at a minimum, maybe leave 10-12 inches for spanking use and wrap the rest around your hand. This creates more control of the spank and how much impact it has so you and your partner can escalate from a light tap to a full smack. The masochist way to use the belt is by using the buckle to spank. I don’t recommend this unless you know what you’re doing and have learned in depth the safe areas of the body to hit. IMPACT SAFETY AREAS Speaking of I found this map online and I think if you’re going to learn impact play you should know every detail of it: Before I cover the final topic of actual toys designed for spanking as well as a few pervertables that you may not have laying around the house, I want to touch on Safety. Spanking can be tons of fun, but if you’re careless you can hurt your partner. The complications range from bruising and drawing blood to nerve damage and possibly paralysis. Those are extreme cases but leather butt does happen. Leather Butt is defined as : A condition that forms from receiving regular, hard spankings (usually from a thick wooden paddle) over a long period of time. Tends to leave the buttocks leathery from built up scar tissue, and desensitized from nerve damage. Impact play isn’t exactly like being an MMA fighter but it can leave lasting effects if it is a common use and done with too much force. So please use caution and do your part by researching things like the impact play safety map as well as learning some of the key nerves and parts of the body that are open for damage easier. TOYS AND WHERE TO GET THEM Now that I’ve covered how to not be a dumbass, let’s talk about the best tools for impact play. Most of you know what paddles are, There are tons of places online that give you options and knowledge about the materials used in a proper paddle. You can even make them yourself if you have the tools. Paddles essentially have two ways they affect upon impact, they can be stingy or thuddy. I personally think they sting more than thud no matter what size and shape you get. I’ll cover these in more detail on a post dedicated to Paddles. Which brings me to another popular and far less painful impact toy: Floggers. Floggers are often called whips but they are not whips. They are made for the lighter impact on the skin and more focused on the feeling of the impact rather than the pain. I personally think that floggers are an art to learn to use, there are routines and patterns of swinging the flogger that look beautiful and are effective as well. Floggers are a great place to start if you want to buy a toy to start impact play. If you check out the website I mentioned many times, add the code SLAYER15 to get 15% off your first flogger order. I love supporting small businesses, especially a small business that is kink related. There aren’t many, but if you know any others that I should post in an article please let me know. I don’t charge a dime or ask for a percentage of the sales that flow from my blog. I just like to help out people that have passion for the community in which they flourish. The last thing I want to talk about is canes. These were made by the devil. Canes can range in material, from wood to epoxy and even metals if you’re a psychopath (I’m kidding, I don’t judge, but I’d love to see that). Canes are something that can be a pervertable if you like Lowe’s, they make wooden dowels and you can buy them small enough to leave the right sting and can really bruise up the butt or legs. Caning isn’t something I have tons of experience with so I’m going to suggest that you learn more about that as will I and maybe we can talk about what you’ve learned and maybe some ideas for the future impact toys I’ll be creating soon. CONCLUSION The most important thing about all of this is to make sure you’re playing safely, with respect, honesty, and trust in your partners. I will preach that to everyone I ever meet that wants to play or just wants to be in a relationship with another person. Most kink and non-monogamous relationships have more communication and trust than I’ve ever seen in a standard vanilla monogamous relationship. It’s not always the case on either side but I think that learning the foundations of kink and non-monogamy could benefit everyone that has a relationship and wants to see it succeed. COMING UP NEXT The next Kink topic to be covered will be restraints. We will cover the proper material, how to tie a safe knot, ways to avoid disaster, and there will be a shout out to a small business that makes harnesses for better restraint play or if you just want to wear a naughty secret under your clothes while you’re out and about. Until Next Time, Peace Out sub Scouts Love, Mister #ImpactPlay #JuniperJenn #Kink #NSFW