Compersion isn’t technically a real word, according to the dictionary, then again non-monogamy isn’t a real relationship according to most legislation. You’re not here for the limits and restrictions you can experience as a non-monogamous person, you’re here for compersion.
What is Compersion?
The writing that happens on this page is done with the assumption that you have zero knowledge of non-monogamy or kink, so let’s go over another day 1 word. Compersion is the joy for another person’s joy. Some act like it’s just a word for non-monogamous people to use but it’s not.
How does Compersion apply to all of life’s relationships?
If you read my first non-monogamy article, you already have some really good examples of this. Being happy that your partner met someone they connect with, your child wins an award and they are super excited about it, your best friend at work gets the promotion you feel they have deserved for a while, these are just some basic examples but you get the point.
If I feel jealousy can I still feel compersion?
Absolutely. You can feel both positive and negative emotions at the same time. You can be happy that your partner is on a date, but jealous that they’re seeing the movie you wanted to see with someone else. Jealousy happens and there’s ways to help it (And Then What?). Some would have you believe that non-monogamy is the sweet life. It’s not. It’s a lot of work, moments that will leave you uncomfortable at times, anxiety from situations you never thought about and couldn’t prepare for, and communication 10,000 fold what you’re used to before non-monogamy.
The best way to really get your foot in the door is to do some reading and research, that’s why you’re here now (or I put my links in your face so much that you just come to appease me). I am, in a sense, community for you. I’m not the only community you can have though. Join the polyamory subreddit, or a group on facebook. There are even meet ups for poly munches(groups meeting that have a connection in some subject). Go to them (respect social distance and such even if you don’t believe in it). You would be surprised that some of your friends are even swingers or non-monogamous. You don’t have to ask them or anything if you’re not out or anything yet.
Communities can be intimidating at first, a lot that I’ve found seem to be pretty judgy unfortunately, that’s why I started all of this. Non-judgmental conversation about things that you may not know about or may have some questions about. I’ve told you many times that I’m not the final discussion in most of my articles. It will always be up to you to do research, speak to others in the lifestyles you are a part of, and help yourself grow.
I found out by outing myself that a former coworker is a part of a swinger community and received an invite, we can’t wait to check it out.
You can’t do this alone though, you will need friends and I want you to know that Jett is always here. If I don’t know the answer, I will work hard to find you an answer or a person that knows the answer. If I point you in the direction of someone, you should know that they won’t be judgy or a pretentious asshole.
I have issues with communities myself, I am in a few but I see how quick;y they turn on people for seeking exactly what they want and being called unethical because they stated up front what they expect to find. It’s not our place to judge that. If you’re not into Unicorn Hunters, don’t stick your nose in it because someone that reads that post may be. If you’re not into swinging, mind your business if you don’t want to be a swinger.
Some of these communities preach openness and acceptance until it’s something that goes against their beliefs. This is an issue that is across the board with non-monogamy and kink. Finding a great partner or a great community is hard and will be super difficult, but it will be so worth it when you do I promise.
Darling (from the first article) and I used to have a duo tinder. I don’t know if that’s a feature still or not but I thought it was pretty awesome. It allowed two (maybe more?) people to create a joint profile essentially, you could match with other couples and singles if they swiped right. I don’t use tinder anymore, it became such a tedious task being polyamorous. I get a match, we say hi, I say I’m poly, they ghost. Rinse and repeat.
I found that OKCupid was the best platform for poly and non-monogamy. There are apps and sites out there for non-monogamy but they aren’t very mainstream so the traffic is kind of low.
I hope that when you seek out community, you find great things. I have been met with criticism about my posts and how they are “inaccurate” yet no one can explain to me how. I’ve seen fantastic people get bum rushed because they say they are in a relationship and looking for a third, once again who fucking cares. If unicorn hunting isn’t your thing, don’t worry about it. There is a unicorn out there that’s looking for a couple. I hate to see anything labeled as open and accepting, just to watch as they shun people that are doing it differently.
Keep your head up and your search thorough. It’s going to be a challenge.
If you have any good communities to go to, share them in the comments below. Let’s grow our own communities and help each other grow.
Until Next Time Peace Out Cub Scouts
Love,
Jett