“Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy – in fact, they are almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
No one is exempt from feelings of jealousy. Yes that’s right even in non-monogamous relationships there are moments of jealousy. My favorite thing I’ve ever heard about defining the source of jealousy is it has nothing to do with your partner(s), it’s all about you and what you feel like you’re lacking.
It’s true in relationships of all kinds, we tend to feel jealousy in friendships, relationships, work relationships, and even family. The source in all of those is you. I have had some rough experiences with jealousy and, before I learned the core exercise in helping turn jealousy into something silly, it’s the worst feeling ever. It’s anxiety, depression, anger, self-consciousness, and every other negative emotion in one.
The really good thing is that there is a simple exercise you can do to help yourself get through it.
I have no idea where it sources from but I know it is super effective, like a water type against a fire type Pokemon.
The first time I heard about this exercise was from Polyamory Weekly, I highly recommend their podcast. The exercise in question is the “And Then What” exercise.
It breaks down like this:
Imagine a situation that could trigger jealousy, I want you to imagine a personal situation for yourself. No one has the same path on this
Got your scenario? Good now ask yourself “and then what?”
Got the next step? “And then what?”
Keep on doing this until it starts to sound really silly and then do it once more.
Example for you:
My partner is on a date with someone tonight
And then what?
They have a really good time
And then what?
She wants to go home with him to have sex
And then what?
They hook up and she really enjoys it
And then what?
She wants to be with him instead of me because the sex is better
And then what?
She leaves me for him
And then what?
She meets his family
And then what?
She falls in love with his sister
And then what?
She runs away with his sister to Oklahoma to open a cat ranch
And then what?
The cats take over the ranch and start a revolution to take over the world
See how I eventually got to a really stupid outcome? It became silly so the fact that my partner is on a date is unlikely to result in cats taking over the world.
It’s a super simple exercise that you can apply to any situation and help you get through it
I could give you a million examples, but, I’d like for you to give me a good one on my facebook page, or leave me a message for me to share in the contact page or send an email to Jett@kinkslayer.com
I like results and if it helps I want to know it. I’m here if anyone ever needs to talk out some jealous feelings and we can do a live “and then what” in a chat on any of my social media. If you’re not already following me on them, Find them here and get to it.
I said it in the Trust article, I’ll say it again, This is not the answer to jealousy, it’s just a resource and I recommend you stay up to date with the articles and my feeds to see what’s coming soon to learn more and grow with me.
Until next time Peace Out Cub Scouts
Love,
Jett